Day 5 - Phantom Testicle Syndrome
Do I miss my right testicle?
No. I'm glad its gone. We separated on bad terms. It's amazing how quickly you can go from love to hate. But then again, it's not. Any body part which starts harboring hard lumps is asking to be removed. Yeah, that goes for all of you, hear me?
I will not tolerate cancer growing in MY body. That is unacceptable. I don't care who you are.
Of course, I was a little apprehensive at the idea of only having one testicle, mostly for aesthetic reasons. I suppose I imagined one side of my scrotum would deflate, and leave me looking asymmetrical, like a car with a flat tire. But let it be known, the body is not a car. And my testicle is not a static piece of rubber. He will accommodate, move to where he needs to go, and accomplish whatever he needs to do. I call him my lucky left testicle. Apparentally, he's working overtime producing sperm and testosterone so I have the same amount as I did with two testicles. That's pretty amazing. I should give him a raise. He must be exhausted. Sorry big guy, no help is on the way.
I researched prosthetic testicle implants, but ultimately decided against getting one.
Testicles are not breasts. I'm relatively certain girls do not fawn over testicles, or surf the web to get closeups of testicles, or want anything to do specifically with testicles. They just aren't sexy to begin with. One testicle is just as sexy as two. (Or just as not)
Also, I don't need a fake testicle to make myself feel better about myself. I mean, I would KNOW it was a fake testicle, so if it had any effect on me it would be me feeling like a dumb ass for having purchased and installed a plastic ball in my scrotum.
The small risk of infection is the final nail on the coffin. How much would it suck to get an infection from a fake testicle? I definitely would not feel too proud about that doctor's appointment.
"You know that fake testicle? The one that you installed to make you feel better about yourself? It's killing you."
Fuck that. Even if it worked okay and felt like a real testicle, it would probably just make me think of cancer every time I touched it.
Come to think of it, the only time I touch my balls is when I'm looking for cancer anyways.
I wonder if there is a limit to how many prosthetic testicles I could have inserted in my scrotum? 3? 5? Maybe they could install some kind of battery so they would flash like Christmas ornaments, or make a squeaking noise when pushed together.
I'd like to find some prosthetic testicles, and just go around throwing them at people. Or maybe 250,000 and do something like this:
Muhahahahaha
No. I'm glad its gone. We separated on bad terms. It's amazing how quickly you can go from love to hate. But then again, it's not. Any body part which starts harboring hard lumps is asking to be removed. Yeah, that goes for all of you, hear me?
I will not tolerate cancer growing in MY body. That is unacceptable. I don't care who you are.
Of course, I was a little apprehensive at the idea of only having one testicle, mostly for aesthetic reasons. I suppose I imagined one side of my scrotum would deflate, and leave me looking asymmetrical, like a car with a flat tire. But let it be known, the body is not a car. And my testicle is not a static piece of rubber. He will accommodate, move to where he needs to go, and accomplish whatever he needs to do. I call him my lucky left testicle. Apparentally, he's working overtime producing sperm and testosterone so I have the same amount as I did with two testicles. That's pretty amazing. I should give him a raise. He must be exhausted. Sorry big guy, no help is on the way.
I researched prosthetic testicle implants, but ultimately decided against getting one.
Testicles are not breasts. I'm relatively certain girls do not fawn over testicles, or surf the web to get closeups of testicles, or want anything to do specifically with testicles. They just aren't sexy to begin with. One testicle is just as sexy as two. (Or just as not)
Also, I don't need a fake testicle to make myself feel better about myself. I mean, I would KNOW it was a fake testicle, so if it had any effect on me it would be me feeling like a dumb ass for having purchased and installed a plastic ball in my scrotum.
The small risk of infection is the final nail on the coffin. How much would it suck to get an infection from a fake testicle? I definitely would not feel too proud about that doctor's appointment.
"You know that fake testicle? The one that you installed to make you feel better about yourself? It's killing you."
Fuck that. Even if it worked okay and felt like a real testicle, it would probably just make me think of cancer every time I touched it.
Come to think of it, the only time I touch my balls is when I'm looking for cancer anyways.
I wonder if there is a limit to how many prosthetic testicles I could have inserted in my scrotum? 3? 5? Maybe they could install some kind of battery so they would flash like Christmas ornaments, or make a squeaking noise when pushed together.
I'd like to find some prosthetic testicles, and just go around throwing them at people. Or maybe 250,000 and do something like this:
Muhahahahaha
posted by sleepwithoutdreams at 2:09 AM
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