Cancer Groupies

For approximately 23 years of my life I've been completely ignorant about women. It was a willful ignorance, a kind of principled stand against conformity and normality. Or it became that way. Before that, I just wanted a girlfriend so badly that I couldn't get one. If I had to decide between the two, between desperately caring and not caring at all, I really can't say which I'd choose. On one hand you can get hurt pretty badly, on the other hand you live life as an inanimate object. I wouldn't recommend either.

More recently though, approximately around the time a bunch of cells in my right testicle decided to begin replicating themselves ad nauseam, I'd made a breakthrough. I discovered that approaching random women is a skill, not an innate ability. Like all skills it can be learned, through knowledge and experience. I discovered that, for 23 years, I had been seeking the wrong thing. Understanding of the universe, mastery of thought, lucid dreaming, all pale in comparison to the emotional rush of approaching a girl on a park bench and asking, "Can I ask you a question?" In a single month, my entire worldview shifted, and I found that I was capable of filling a hole that I once thought was unfillable.
I was ecstatic. Then the month drew to a close, and I found a lump on my right testicle.

I still am not totally sure if this was the best time for me to get testicular cancer or the worst. Either way there's no denying the irony. At the very same time I had begun to understand women, the very organ which I was doing it for had come under attack. I had a hobby to distract me from the cancer that was spreading inside of me, but at the same time the cancer was distracting me from my hobby. Let me state something obvious. There is no best time for cancer.

However, I think if I had found a lump just a month before hand, my life could have spiraled in a completely different direction. My ego is just where it needs to be in order to make it through this. My previous self-destructive identity would not have been able to handle it.

Here's a conversation I had just a moment ago, with a well intentioned but woman-ignorant friend.
Sedric: "Hey, you can use the whole cancer thing to talk to girls."
Me: "Oh my god, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. All I'll get out of that is pity. What do you get with pity?"
Tammy: "A pity fuck!"
Me: "Ha, yeah. From all those 'cancer groupies' out there right?"

I'm fully aware that testicular cancer isn't going to help me get girls, but that doesn't mean I have to put my sexual self on hold till this is all over. Cancer or no cancer, this last month has been the best month of my life. You can't let a little cancer ruin a good time.
Oh wow. I ended this post on an up note. Here's a smiley face :-)